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Thursday, December 3, 2015

Syariah Compliance Procedure

Ali : Oi,  where the halal trolley? 

Worker : Oh, the halal trolly section is there in the right corner. 

Ali : Ok, where do you sell the non halal stuff? I want to know so that I don't go anywhere near them. 

Worker : Don't worry sir, we have a machine that will detect Muslims and non Muslims. So Muslims will not be allowed to enter. 

Ali : Good, I like that. 

Worker : Happy that you chose to shop with us. Our store is fully Syariah compliant. 

 After half an hour. 

Worker : Excuse me sir, you can't queue here, this is a non halal counter. 

Ali : What do you mean? 

Worker : The cashier is not a Muslim. Counters 9,10,12,15, and 19 are halal counters sir. 

Ali : Hmm, thank you. 

Cashier : That will be 157.85 sir. 

Ali : Hmm, here, 50, 50,50, 5, 1, 1 and 85 sen. 

Cashier : Sorry sir I am afraid I can't touch your money sir because our scanner detected non syariah compliant notes and syillings sir. 

Ali : What is this nonsense, what do you mean my money is syariah non compliant. 

Cashier : This 50 and that 50 has pork DNA, that smaller notes are tainted with alchohol and the scanner detected something not right with that 50.

Ali : What? Is it a fake note? 

Cashier : No sir, it read "SOURCE FROM BRIBERY"

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